After Pain, Comes Faith…

For a major part of 2020, I silently accepted what was happening to me, believing I was being punished. Punished for what? I didn’t know. For how long my suffering would go on? Again no answers… All I knew was it would end. One day, someday…it will.
And, that kept me going.

Even today, I’m scared… I’m scared to the extent that I’ve no idea, how am I even going to take that ‘one step at a time…’

They say, one step at a time can change your life. Does it?

Almost a year ago, I was at crossroads in my life (don’t judge me for saying this, but dying through corona seemed more peaceful). I know many of you have lost loved ones, but when times are tough, everyone suffers. No matter what they’re going through, their suffering is real and incomparable. Because ever since the world has been throttled against an invisible enemy… it’s been nothing but a war against time and a race to the finish line.

And of all those who started… not everyone made it till here. That’s when it hit me. I survived my battle. We survived this pandemic. But at what cost?

They say with time…the pain lessens. No, it doesn’t. It’s a charade. You never move on; the pain never moves on. It just never lets you. It remains there for as long as it wants. You just start to grow around it and if you’re unlucky, you’d one day go numb and forget its even there.

But if you’re lucky, you will one day find someone to share that pain with.

One day, a casual scrolling on my social media led me to a post from a random person who just wrote three words. That’s it. Just three simple words.

Stop. Breathe. Restart.

This post – was it a divine intervention or mere coincidence?
Restart in life – is that even an option? Wasn’t I supposed to go by the rules?
Should I have chosen peace in life or surrendered to the gilded cage for all eternity and hoped for the best? It felt like I was here before. At the same crossroad before but only this time I was expecting different results.

We all suffer pain, misery, and tragedy in life; no road is without bumps. And it is through this pain that we learn a great deal. It is a kind of social glue, which some of us still believe brings people together, closer to what we call the divine.

What began as a journey of seeking answers to ‘what lies ahead for me’ slowly transformed into ‘should I believe in what people say or just trust that voice in my head?’ A voice that’s not even mine…but somehow tells me just one more step and there’s happiness finally waiting ahead. That – better days are ahead…waiting to embrace me for I have suffered enough.

After a painful journey, is it okay to blindly walk ahead into the darkness…when you see no path, no light…no one to trust but your faith? It’s completely okay to question yourself. But it’s important to remember that not all steps are equal.

Some of the steps are painful, uncomfortable, and difficult to undertake. You might even take some steps that aren’t even in the right direction (maybe to others). But deep down, if you feel these steps would lead you to a more peaceful life, then it’s definitely the right direction.

Not everyone around you is strong enough to choose peace over societal chaos. But, let them adapt, for you have finally chosen yourself over them. This is how things should’ve been.
Do you want to be like everyone else, wasting their lives away doing nothing? It takes no effort to join the crowd. But, if life has given you a second chance…you must take that LEAP OF FAITH!

For, I’ve taken mine… and let’s see where it takes me now.